Imitation and Influence

In talking about identity and who we are, what we are saying about ourselves, and the mark we are leaving, legacy seems like a natural progression of this. I think it helps to realize that we are always leaving something behind. We may be influencing others, both those we know and those we do not know all the time. You can never really know the impact you have on a person or a situation; but one thing is for certain, we are not islands unto ourselves. James Baldwin once said, “Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.”

It never ceases to amaze me how many subtleties are passed down: tones, gestures, posture, and other mannerisms no one expressly teaches. Children tend to walk in the same pattern as one or both of their parents. The way they blow their noses, scratch their heads, take on certain poses, and body language are often the same as their parents. What have you taken on from those you have watched? What did you see someone, other than your parents, do that was older than you that you consciously or unconsciously imitated?

We know environment is an important factor in shaping children, and so are role models, parents, and all those looking after others. Dr. Albert Mehrabian emphasizes that much of all communication is non-verbal. In his book “Silent Messages”, he finds 7% of any message is conveyed through words, 38% through fluctuations in vocal ranges and rhythms, and 55% through nonverbal elements such as posture, facial expressions, gestures, etc. If, after multiple studies, it is found that only 7% of communication is done through words, this leaves us with 93% of communication taking place through other cues. One can imagine what children, especially the little ones, are learning from us consciously and subconsciously, making decisions and basing thoughts/actions off what they see.

When parents, guardians, and educators talk about raising children, which I prefer to call “preparing them to be adults,” or, “preparing little people to become balanced, responsible big people,” we do best when we keep the end goal in mind. That’s assuming an end goal has been established. That, in turn, would mean that those raising and educating children would need to know what the result should look like, behave like, live like, and be setting an example of these things themselves. Children must be exposed to what you set as their goal first in order to emulate or embody it.

So, knowing that your children are watching you leads to the questions of, who are you looking up to? What is influencing you? Who is your role model and why? What qualities, behavior, or way of thinking do they have that you want, and that you want your children to have? It all trickles down. Keep in mind this is not about breaking old ways of doing things, but rather, replacing those old ways and thoughts with new ways of doing things.

You, as a parent, guardian, or educator, are an influencer. As much as the media and other external sources have an impact, you are the one with the authority to set the pace. It all starts with a goal and a good look in the mirror; asking yourself if you are displaying what you want your kids, and those around you to learn.

Kenisa Nunley, founder & CEO of “Gowns and Gardens”, and “Gowns and Gardens House of Charities”, is a native Los Angelino and an explorer of life. She has a background in consulting, business development, events, and is a graduate from the University of Southern California, with a Bachelor of Arts in Global Business and an emphasis in marketing.

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